What Do Chinese Men Want in a Woman?
While patterns of partner preferences should be expected in any society, Chinese men go to great lengths to find their perfect match. Some women report that they’ve had their parents heavily involved in the process.
They also like to show their love in other ways -carrying their bags and taking her shopping even if her income far exceeds his. This can be confusing for Western women who prefer more direct expressions of affection.
1. Beauty
Many Western women who have dated Chinese men report that they are confused by the way in which they show their love for them. They may find themselves carrying their bags, being taken shopping or getting texts and phone calls asking if they need any help. It is almost like a father taking care of his child and can be very confusing to women who are used to more direct expressions of affection.
In China, there are different standards of beauty for women and men. For example, a person’s height is regarded as one of the most important attributes when it comes to beauty. In general, Chinese people are taller than their counterparts from other countries.
The classic conception of beauty is based on proportion and symmetry. However, some feminists argue that the idea of beauty has become a form of oppression. They link the representation of the beautiful female body in Western high art and popular culture to eating disorders, self-destructive behavior and objectification of women.
2. Confidence
Chinese men are proud of their culture, but they also value being able to stand up for themselves. This sense of self-respect is especially important when it comes to dealing with other people. Despite their outward appearance of being shy and demure, many Chinese women are actually quite confident in their abilities.
Another quality that many foreigners find appealing about Chinese men is their ability to express their feelings. This is something that can be difficult for Western women to understand, however. Many blogs have been written by women who struggled to determine whether a Chinese man they were dating really liked them or not.
In general, most Chinese women want someone who is supportive of them. This can be seen in their desire to save money, and in how they often give their boyfriends or husbands advice on financial matters. They also tend to defer more decisions to their partner than is typical of Western women.
3. Honesty
Almost everyone agrees that deception is one of the worst things you can do to a relationship. But open discussions about what honesty actually looks like in a relationship are rare.
For many Chinese men, honesty is more than just about telling the truth. It is also about a sense of morality and a desire to be fair. A Chinese man who values honesty is likely to be someone you can trust.
I have talked to many Western women in China who tell me that the one thing they love most about their Chinese boyfriend is his honesty. These women have had enough bad experiences with unfaithful, dishonest men in China and want to find a man who will be faithful to them. They also believe that Chinese men are more honest than Western men because of the cultural norms that they grow up with. This is especially true when it comes to money and sex.
4. Compassion
The sight of a Western woman with a Chinese man is becoming more common, but the information and advice available is still comparatively scarce. The reason for this is probably that it’s difficult to pin down exactly what the concept of compassion is, and so what characteristics it entails.
Despite the importance of this construct and the increasing interest in it among researchers, clinicians and teachers there is a lack of consensus on its definition and psychometrically robust measurement tools. This is a significant impediment to research and clinical practice.
Pommier (2010) developed a self-compassion scale that was rated partially satisfactory for content validity. It includes items related to four of the five elements that were identified in the review: recognition of suffering, emotional resonance with suffering (i.e., feeling moved by it), ability to tolerate distressing feelings and motivation to help alleviate suffering. However, she does not include a measure of the trait ‘kindness’.
5. Loyalty
Many Chinese men are accustomed to a patriarchal culture and expect their parents to play a larger role in dating and relationship decisions. This is why a lot of young men prefer to date women who are more independent of their family.
This can mean a lot of things. For example, it may involve a higher willingness to have sex on a first date or more of a desire for appearance qualities.
Ultimately, loyalty is an important trait for Chinese men. They want to know that they can rely on their partner, especially in difficult times.
This is why a lot of Westerners find themselves falling in love with Chinese women. They make great partners because of their frugality, loyalty, and business sense. Mark Zuckerberg’s wife Priscilla is a good example. She helped him with his early investments and continues to help with his Facebook empire today. It’s also why they tend to stay in China longer after marrying.
6. Frugality
Chinese people are known to be frugal. They don’t spend more than they have and they encourage their family members to save money as well. For this reason, many Western men like dating Chinese women.
Despite the fact that Chinese men may not have the insatiable libidos of their Western counterparts, they do love to show their affection by carrying bags for their girlfriends or taking them shopping even when their income exceeds theirs. But for the independently minded woman, this behavior may be seen as patronizing.
In addition, Chinese men are usually very careful with their money, which is why they prefer to buy quality goods rather than cheap knockoffs. This approach to spending and saving helps them avoid debt, live within their means, and stay afloat during difficult times. This is also why they can afford to spend so much on a wedding and honeymoon. Their frugality allows them to have more wealth and more freedom.
7. Emotional stability
Many Chinese men, particularly those in their early twenties, may be less able to satisfy the libidos of Western women. It is also quite common for them to depend on the financial support of their parents in order to be able to marry and have a family.
This can cause problems as many Western women find it difficult to cope with their mother in law’s incessant nagging and constant demand for her son to get married. A British friend of mine, who dated a Chinese man for several years, found it very hard to deal with her mother in law’s intrusions. From popping into the shower to discuss her weight to nagging about when she would start having grandkids.
Another issue that some Western women have experienced is that Chinese men are often more reluctant to show their feelings openly, with some describing them as being “secretive” or unsure of how to express themselves. This can cause confusion for Western women who may be used to more direct expressions of affection.
8. Openness
Unlike people low in openness, those high in this personality trait are receptive to change and enjoy new experiences. They may be less practical and more imaginative, relying on their inventiveness to solve problems. People who are highly open also tend to be more creative and expressive.
The neurobiological correlates of openness include the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC) networks that support perspective taking, abstract thinking, and self-reflection. In addition, this trait is positively correlated with divergent thinking.
Many of the women we interviewed talked about their desire for a man to be open and accepting of differences in culture, beliefs, and values. One woman said her previous Chinese boyfriend didn’t embrace her religion and that she was glad to find a Western guy who did. Other women mentioned that they appreciate their Chinese boyfriends’ loyalty and willingness to “save face” for them when needed. This is an important quality in a relationship.
9. Family oriented
When it comes to dating, Chinese women place more emphasis on family oriented characteristics than Western ones. This is especially true for those who want to get married.
This is reflected in the way that most Chinese women are willing to be open about their family plans with their dating partners. This contrasts with their adherence to traditional culture expectations regarding how young adults should behave in intimate relationships. In fact, research has shown that young females with pro-natalist attitudes are considerably less likely to kiss and/or have sex on their first date than those who do not.
In addition, a significant number of young people from rural China leave their homes to work in urban centers in order to help support their families back home. In many cases, they do this by pooling their family savings and building a house together. In such cases, a man’s parents might even be a live-in nanny for the couple and their children.
